Bridget's Blog

I wonder how many people plan their family with the dynamics in mind? How many people plan their family thinking of the work, planning, time, and effort involved. How many people invest time into pre-parent training to learn how to raise children to be functional adults and have functional family dynamics? Most people spend more effort and time learning how to use the latest technology or learning to drive than they do learning how to be an intentionally functional parent raising intentionally functional children. The most I have ever heard people say is that they planned the number of children they would have or when they would have children or they may plan for the cost of raising a child and providing for a college education.

 Here's a truth born of experience … safe, healthy, happy, productive families take more than time management and financial planning. They take love, understanding, structure, limits (boundaries), fun, energy, support, outside relationships, faith (in your Creator and each other), trust, commitment, emotional maturity, and emotional wellness. Building a functional family takes the willingness and ability to grow beyond anything you ever thought you'd experience. Each member of the family needs to know that each person in the family puts the family first (especially in times of need) before anything and everything else except God.

 If you are single and childless, look at the above list and take a moment to assess yourself. Which of the above areas are your strengths and which are your weaknesses? Grow in your weaknesses and further develop your strengths and you are more likely to attract and maintain a healthy relationship that can one day grown into a relationship with a healthy spouse. But you cannot be unhealthy and pick a healthy partner.

 If you are single with a child, look at the above list and do not waste one second in waiting to improve yourself. Your child needs a functional, mature, healthy adult. Get a support system! Hurry!

 If you are part of a couple – you can both assess yourselves, each other, and the relationship as a whole. Support each other! Grow! Encourage each other! Be accountable to each other. Be adults!

 Consider the following formulas:

• One healthy adult + one healthy adult = functional relationship.
• Functional core relationship + impressionable child = basis for healthy family.
• Two unhealthy, immature adults + 1 impressionable child = dysfunctional family (and eventually yet another unhealthy, immature adult).
• One unhealthy adult + 1 impressionable child = clone of original unhealthy adult.
• Two unhealthy, immature adults + 2 or more impressionable children = Jerry Springer show in 10 years time.

 Which do you choose? Make the choice now and get on with making whatever changes need to be made. Time is precious and it's passing.

 If you did not grow up with healthy, mature parents – learn how to get that way ASAP. Your children need you! Break the cycle this very instant and create a culture of safe, healthy, happy, productive families in our world today!

I have recently had the opportunity to ponder why conformity has become so incredibly important in our culture today.  It seems that no matter where you look, conformity is stressed to the point of being ridiculous. 

In many neighborhoods, homes must conform to rigid rules about style, color, size, and other superficial elements.

In many public schools, uniforms are the most recent fashion trend - to assure that no one child is singled out due to their form of dress. Every child is measured by their ability to conform to the educational testing and performance, not their natural gifts.

Even in our varied places of worship - if you don't dress same way, speak the same  way, pray the same way, know the same songs - you aren't the "right" kind of worshiper.  I even know people who take great pride in wearing jeans to church services - not because they feel most comfortable in jeans, but because they want to let the "less fortunate" worshipers know they "fit in".  Really?!  Is being a pompous, sanctimonious, judgmental hypocrite why you go to church?

It seems like many cultural groups want to force conformity down each other's throats too.  Why does my thoughtful nonparticipation in protests or other public displays of social control make me, by default, a "hater".  If I choose not to fly a rainbow flag during "gay days" I must be a homophobe.  If I don't attend rallies for black politicians, I must be a racist.  If I don't participate in radical anti-abortion demonstrations, I must by default be pro-choice.   Just because I choose other avenues to express myself, my non-participation does not endorse any view at all. 

This overwhelming "either - or" mentality has gone too far in my opinion.  It seems that the loudest protesting factors have become the most judgmental conformists, wanting to force others into adopting and endorsing their personal agenda.  Guess what ... I'm not interested in your personal agenda.

If you want to know where I stand on any issue, ask me.  My friends and family will attest that I have no lack of opinions, I simply often choose to keep them to myself unless asked.  I will not run from conflict but I will not seek it out.  Here is my general philosophy ...

I want to live my life to the best of my ability.  I figure it will take all of my time and effort to become the kind of person my Creator wants me to be - loving, focused, humble, safe, productive, kind, and strong.  (... and wise if I'm lucky enough to live that long).   I understand that I am a unique person with my own special gifts, lessons, and faults. Some of my favorite sources for inspiration come from nature and I feel we would do well as a planet to ponder the lessons taught by these three simple items: a peacock, a fingerprint, and a snowflake.

One of my favorite birds is the peacock.  Each bird has brilliant markings and no two feathers are exactly identical.  They are similar, yet not the same. They are beautiful, each is special in its own way.  Each feather of each bird has minute scales on it that catch the light differently and are breathtakingly beautiful depending on where the light is coming from.  Each of us, human to the core, plain looking compared to the peacock,  yet we hold the key to our beauty in the light that shines from within us, not in the clothes we wear, where we live, or what we drive.  But peacocks have one of the most horrible screeching voices imaginable - so perhaps we too should be seen but not heard.

Every person that has fingers has fingerprints - unique identifiers that leave little traces of us on everything we touch.  Even two fingers from the same hand have different qualities and distinguishing marks.  Wow!  If ever there was a personal reminder to each of us from our Maker that we are not intended to be identical, it is our fingerprints.  Yet our fingerprints are a sure-fire way to tell if someone is guilty of a crime.  What a message that we should hold each other accountable for our actions and not blame each other for our problems.

Every snowflake is a new shape, a new crystalized form of artwork.  Each flake is so small that it is nearly impossible to weigh by itself.  Alone, they are beautiful and graceful.  But snowflakes in a snowstorm or blizzard lose their beauty, become stuck together, and become dangerous and deadly.  So it is too with mankind.  Each of us is a blessing, amazingly unique - but dangerous and deadly when forced into conformity for it's own sake.

Thanks for reading my blog.  My old blog was accidentally deleted when I changed website editing programs.  Oh well, live and learn, right?

I plan on having some interesting and useful content - just as soon as I can learn how to use this new program :).

I hope you enjoy my site.  Please comment, question, and share this information.

Have a terrific day!

Bridget